I'm trying to pull back to that feeling I had when I was a kid. The awe and excitement of the feeling of just viewing something I loved. The sheen of a sword, the mystic look of a mage, the awesome foundation of a sprawling castle, the angles and beauty of a star-fighter.
I lost that for a long time. There's a gap in my history. There's a huge gaping hole in my awe. I've started getting fleeting glimpses of that feeling again. I'm not sure why, but, I'm positive it's due to art. The idea that I could do something in the art field again, just the simple planted seed of that idea, is enough to get me through just about anything.
I'm impressed with things again. The simple idea of the weight of my swords kind of gives me an internal giggle. The feel of my airsoft M4 as it sits nestled in the corner of my office, enough to make me shine a little.
Yeah...I've certainly lost touch with me. The spiritual side of myself that nests in those things that I hold so dear. I've been wrapped up in the things that kill peoples sense of self. The teeming masses turned me a little hard, especially over the last 7 years or so. Feeling more child-like is important to me. I feel that that was the time in my life where I had tuned myself to my world. Like an instrument that hasn't been played, it takes some time to get it back in tune. Takes a while to get that feeling back. To place the hands in the right position, to hear the notes sing instead of just hearing them roll out, listening to make sure the pitch was right, loosing the love of each note.
It's time to merge the adult with the child-like sense of tuning. It's time to realize there are no walls around me, only the beauty of an open field, flowing with the ebb and tide of the wind.